THE  STAGE  GUILD  PLAYS        ae 


THREE   WISHES 

By  THOMAS  WOOD  STEVENS 


[EW  YORK  as  FRANK  SHAY  &e  PUBLISHER 


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THE  MORNINGSIDE  PLAYS 

HATTIE:  a  drama       .......By  Elva  De  Pue 

ONE  A  DAY:  a  comedy By  Caroline  Briggs 

MARKHEIM:  a  dramatization         -       -       -         By  Zeliah  MacDonald 

THE  HOME  OF  THE  FREE:  a  comedy      -       By  E.  L.  Reizenstein 

(Introduction  by  Barrett  H.  dark)        -        Paper,    .75 


FRANK  SHAY         -       -        NEW  YORK 


THE  STAGE  GUILD  PLAYS  NO.  4 


THREE  WISHES 

A  COMEDY  IN  ONE  ACT  BY 
THOMAS  WOOD  STEVENS 


FRANK  SHAY     .    .    .    NEW  YORK 


,  l?20>>y  FRANK  SHAY 
All  Rights  Reserved. 

THE  THREE  WISHES  was  first  produced  by  THE 
HUT  PLAYERS,  American  Army  Post  731,  (Neu- 
f chateau,  France,)  A.  E.  F.,  October  9,  1918,  at  the 
Y.  M.  C.  A.  hut,  with  the  following  cast: 

CARNEY William  B.  Van  Riper 

BUCKS Frank  Tillman 

SIMPERSON    L.  L.  Derby 

JIM    Clifford  B.  Halvorson 

LIEUTENANT    Ernest  Bolam 

SCENE:  An  Army  Billet  Somewhere  in  France. 
Produced  Under  the  Direction  of  William  B. 
Van  Riper 


NOTE:    READ  CAREFULLY 

The  acting  rights  of  this  play  are  reserved  by  the  author. 
Performance  is  strictly  forbidden  unless  his  express  con 
sent,  or  that  of  his  representatives,  has  first  been  obtained, 
and  attention  is  called  to  the  penalties  provided  by  law  for 
any  infringement  of  his  rights,  as  follows: 

"Sec.  4966 : — Any  person  publicly  performing  or  representing 
any  dramatic  or  musical  composition  for  which  copyright  has  been  ob 
tained,  without  the  consent  of  the  proprietor  of  said  dramatic  or  musi 
cal  composition  or  his  heirs  and  assigns,  shall  be  liable  for  damages 
therefor,  such  damages  in  all  cases  to  be  assessed  at  such  sum,  not  less 
than  one  hundred  dollars  for  the  first  and  fifty  dollars  for  every  subse 
quent  performance,,  as  to  the  court  shall  appear  to  be  just.  If  the  un 
lawful  performance  and  representation  be  wilful  and  for  profit,  such 
person  or  persons  shall  be  guilty  of  a  misdemeanor,  and  upon  convic 
tion  bo  imprisoned  for  a  period  not  exceeding  one  year." — U.  S.  Re 
vised  Statutes,  Title  60,  Chap.  3. 

Application  for  permission  to  produce 
this  play  must  be  made  to  Frank  Shay,  26-28 
Horatio  Street,  New  York.  No  perform 
ance  may  be  given  without  his  consent. 

COMPLETE    LIST    OF    PLAYS    UPON 
REQUEST 


(Somewhere  in  France,  Carney,  Bucks  and  Simperson,  Pri 
vates,  are  playing  poker;  from  time  to  time,  Jim,  the  Shine, 
ministers  to  their  wants.  As  the  curtain  rises,  Carney,  who 
already  holds  most  of  the  matches  (or  beans,  as  the  case  per 
mits)  is  looking  over  his  hand  confidently;  Simperson's  ex 
pression  is  judically  immobile,  Bucks  openly  disconsolate. 
On  the  drazv,  the  expressions  change;  Bucks  brightens,  and 
Carney  looks  serious.  Betting,  Bucks  puts  up  half  his  re 
maining  pile.  Simperson,  zvho  is  dealing,  passes,  and  Carney 
raises  Bucks.) 

CARNEY.    I  hate  seeing  you  so  reckless,  Bucks. 

BUCKS,     (in  a  slow,  Southern  voice)     Yes,  you  do. 

CARNEY.  Well,  I  do.  I  hoped  this  game  would  last  out 
the  evening.  But  the  evenings  are  so  plaguey  long,  and  you 
and  Simp,  are  so  damn  reckless — 

BUCKS.  There's  the  rest  of  my  pile.  I  got  a  hand  this 
time.  (Carney  covers  the  bet.) 

CARNEY.  Lay  'em  down.  (The  cards  are  laid  on  the 
table.) 

They're  all  mine.  (He  reaches  out  and  gathers  in  the  win- 
nigs.) 

BUCKS.  Well,  would  you  believe  it?  Three  aces  looked 
mighty  good  to  me. 

CARNEY.     Tres-bein — what   next?      You,    Simperson. 

SIMPERSON.     (Shaking  his  head  slowly), Out  of  court. 

CARNEY.    Come  up,  Bucks — come  up. 

BUCKS.    No  good  talking  to  me.     Three  aces,  too. 

CABNEY — (To  Jim).  Jim.  Jim,  what  can  you  find  for  a 
guy  that  seems  to  have  cleaned  out  the  place? 

JIM.    More  of  the  same,  I  reckon. 

CARNEY.    That  all? 

JIM.    That's  all,  boss. 

BUCKS. — (Still  studying  the  three  aces.)  I  know  now  what 
did  it  to  me.  I  touched  Jim  with  my  left  hand. 

SIMPERSON.  What  are  you  mystifying  about,  Bucks?  You 
touched  Jim  with  your  left  hand? 

BUCKS.  It's  bad  luck  to  touch  a  darkey  with  your  left 
hand,  when  you're  playing  poker.  I  knew  it  was  bad  luck, 
but  I'd  forgotten  that  I  did  it.  I  never  would  have  put  up 
my  last  centime  on  those  aces,  if  I'd  remembered. 

CARNEY.    Jim,  what's  this  he's  growling  about? 


JIM.  Luck,  Mister  Carney.  He  hain't  got  no  such  luck 
as  you,  but  he  knows  all  about  it.  He's  dead  right,  too. 

SIMPERSON.    What  do  you  mean — he's  dead  right? 

JIM.    About  touching  a  colored  person  with  your  left  hand. 

BUCKS.  No  use  trying  to  explain  it  to  you,  Simp.  But  it's 
true.  Jim  knows  more  about  luck  than  you'll  ever  learn.  He's 
one  of  those  boys — but  it's  /no  use  talking  to  you.  You 
wouldn't  get  it. 

SIMPERSON.  What  sort  of  a  fool  hocus  pocus  are  you 
putting  up,  anyway  ? 

BUCKS.    I  tell  you,  you  wouldn't  understand  it. 

SIMPERSON.  Well,  I've  watched  what  Carney  did  to  you, 
and  I  don't  want  to  understand  it.  It's  no  good,  that's  plain. 
But  I'd  like  to  know  what  you're  talking  about. 

BUCKS.    All  right.     Jim,  come  here. 

CARNEY. — (Clearing  for  a  new  game.)  New  game — new 
bank. 

BUCKS.  It's  no  game.  Do  you  think  I'd  sit  in  a  game  with 
Jim?  I  just  want  to  show  you  something.  Jim,  have  you 
got  any  bones  in  your  pocket? 

JIM.    What  do  you  want  to  know  for,  Mr.  Bucks? 

BUCKS.     Show  these  gentlemen  what  you  can  do,  Jim. 

JIM.    Go  'long  with  you,  Mister  Bucks. 

BUCKS.  Look  here,  you  black  shine — haven't  I  lost  twenty 
francs  on  your  account  tonight?  Dig  up  those  bones. 

(Jim  fumbles  in  his  pockets;  for  a  moment  it  appears  that 
the  bones  are  lost,  but  at  last  he  produces  two.) 

Make  it  three,  boy. 

(Jim  looks  up  protestingly,  but  Bucks  insists;  the  third 
dice  comes  out,  Jim  grinning  and  shaking  his  head.) 

Now  show  the  gentlemen  what  you  can  dp.  They  don't 
believe  in  luck — in — you  know  what  I  mean,  Jim.  (Jim  rolls 
the  dice  tentatively  on  the  table.) 

JIM.     She's  working  strong  tonight,  Mister  Bucks. 

CARNEY.    Come  along!    What's  the  confidential? 

SIMPERSON.    Give  us  your  demonstration,  Louisiana. 

JIM.  I  wants  three  sixes.  I  wants  three  sixes.  (He  rolls 
the  dice.  The  others  look  on  carelessly,  then  with  sudden 
interest.) 

CARNEY.    Got  'em,  by  Heck! 

SIMPERSON.  Let  me  look  at  those  dice.  (He  examines 
them  carefully,  testing  and  rolling  them.) 

2 


Can    you    do    it    again? 

JIM.  I  wants  three  sixes.  I  wants  three  sixes.  (He  rolls 
them;  the  others  look  in  amazement  at  the  throiv.) 

She's  workin'  mighty  strong  tonight. 
CARNEY.     Now  wouldn't  that  crimp  you? 

SIMPERSON.  That's  a  remarkable  throw.  Do  you  know 
how  many  thousand  chances  there  are  against  repeating  a 
throw  of  three  faces?  By  the  laws  of  chance — 

BUCKS.  You  may  know  something  about  the  laws  of  the 
land,  back  in  the  States,  Simp., 'but  you  don't  know  anything 
about  the  real  laws  of  chance.  Jim  does ;  they  all  do. 

JIM.  They  ain't  many  that  can  do  as  much  as  what  I  can, 
when  she's  workin'  strong,  boss. 

SIM  PERSON.  I  believe  you're  right,  Jim.  Anybody  that  can 
just  call  for  one  throw  in  fifty  thousand,  and  get  it — (Carney 
shuffles  the  cards.) 

CARNEY.     Play  some  more,  boys? 

SIM  PERSON.  I'm  flat,  Carney — and  so's  Bucks.  You  might 
play  a  hand  with  Jim. 

JIM.     I'm  willin',  boss.     I'm  good  tonight. 
CARNEY.     I   guess   not,    Shine. 
SIMPERSON.    Wise  work,  sonny. 

CARNEY.  What's'  the  use  anyway?  I  win  a  lot  of  this 
crinkley  stuff,  and  there's  nothing  in  this  man's  country  to  do 
with  it  after  you  get  it.  If  it  were  real,  honest-to-God  United 
States  money  now — and  a  man  could  go  along  Broadway — 

SIMPERSON.     Shut  up  about  money,  and  all  the  rest  of  that, 
Carney.     I've  had  enough  of  it.     Besides — 
CARNEY.    Well- 
Si  MPERSON.     Look  here,  Jim,  I  want  to  know — 
JIM.     Laws,  boss,  if  you  want  to  know   how  to  get  her 
workin'   strong,   I  can't  tell  you   nothin'.     You  have  to   feel 
when  it's  so,  and  there's  few  white  folks — mighty  few — 

CARNEY.  Yes,  and  there's  few  white  men  that  could  lick 
Jack  Johnson.  But  what  of  it?  Pas  de  quoi.  Most  of  us 
don't  want  to  try. 

SIMPERSON.  Don't  butt  in,  Carney.  What  about  it  Jim? 
I'm  strong  for  this  stuff.  Three  sixes  twice,  just  by  saying 
the  words — 

JIM.     There's  lots  of  words   I  could  say,  Mister   Simper- 


BUCKS.    I  advise  you  not  to  start  anything,  Simp. 

CARNEY.  Oh,  come  now,  Buckie.  That's  what  we  came  for 
— to  start  something.  You  talk  like  the  new  Lieutenant. — 

SIMPERSON.  Now,  Jim,  what  do  you  mean — words  you 
could  say? 

JIM.  Did  you  gentlemen — I  ain't  preferrin'  the  question  to 
Mr.  Bucks  now,  you  understand — did  you  gentlemen  ever 
hear  of  a  Virgo  Doctor? 

SIMPERSON.  I've  heard  of  a  Voodoo,  if  that's  what  you 
mean. 

JIM.  Some  folks  call  'em  that,  but  'tain't  the  right  name. 
Right  name's  Virgo  Doctor.  They're  the  people  what  can 
get  her  goin'  strong,  now  and  again. 

SIMPERSON.  Now  look  here,  Jim,  I'm  broke,  but  I'm  good 
for  ten  francs  on  this,  if  you  can  pull  something  special. 

JIM.  I  wouldn't  do  it  for  money,  nohow.  And  I  wouldn't 
like  to  get  you  gentlemen  in  bad  with  no  officers — 

SIMPERSON.  You  won't.  Bucks  and  I  are  safe,  and  nothing 
you  can  do  would  put  Carney  in  worse  with  the  new  Lieu 
tenant — 

CARNEY.  For  the  love  of  Heaven,  Simp.,  let  me  forget  him 
for  a  minute — 

SIMPERSON.    Go  to  it,  Jim. 

BUCKS.     Now  understand,  fellows — I'm  not  in  on  this. 

SIMPERSON.    All  right.    Bucks  is  out.    Now,  Jim. 

JIM.  I'll  take  this  table  cloth,  if  you  don't  mind.  {He 
drapes  the  table  cover  around  him,  and  takes  up  the  candle.} 

And  I'll  put  out  the  light.   (He  pauses.) 

You — you  won't  forget  about  them  ten  francs,  Mister  Simp- 
erson?   (Simperson  nods.    Jim  stands  for  a  moment  looking 
straight  before  him;   then  he  blows  out  the  candle  and  be 
gins  a  sing-song  chant.} 
Are  you  there — are  you  near  me — are  you  close  in  the  dark, 

in  the  air?    Are  you  there? 
I's  a-callin' — Fs  a-callin' — I's  a-callin'. 
Can  you  hear  me?     I's  a-callin'.     Are  you  near  me?     I's  a- 

callin'. 

If  you're  near  me  are  you  touchin'  me?    Am  I  touchin'  you? 
For  I'm  puttin'  out  my  hand — I'm  puttin'  out  all  my  fingers — 
I'm  puttijn*  out  my  fingers  in  the  dark  toward  you. 


For  the  power  of  the  darkness — for  the  Virgo  of  the  night 
I'm  stretchin'  out  my  hand. 

I'm  reachin'  out  my  hand  and  I'm  sayin'  in  my  heart  all  the 
words  I  got  to  say — all  the  words  I  got  to  say,  in  my 
heart. 

Do  you  put  your  hand  in  mine?  Do  you  leave  me  cryin' 
lone  in  the  night? 

Now  I  feel  the  breath — now  I  feel  the  breath — now  I  touch 
the  hidden  hand.  Now  the  ring  is  on  my  finger.  Now 
the  river's  flowin'  over  me — flowin'  over  me.  Now  I's 
come  to  Virgo — now  I's  still  again — now  I's  still. 
I's  touchin'  for  luck  on  his  left  shoulder,  for  the  wish  that 
must  be  fulfill'.  Now  I's  touchin'  on  the  right  shoulder 
for  the  second  wish.  Now  I's  touchin'  on  his  head — on 
his  head  for  the  third  wish. 

Virgo — Virgo — Virgo,  now   I's  touched  him — Virgo   listen — 
Virgo  listen — Virgo  listen  till  he  calls  you! 

{At  the  words,  he  has  touched  Carney  on  the  shoulders  and 
on  the  head.     There  is  a  pause  as  he  finished  the  chant; 
then  he  twitches  off  the  table  cloth,  dropping  on  his  knees' 
by  the  table  and  covers  his  faces  in  his  hands,  crying  out.) 
Light  the  light!     For  the  Lord's  sake,  light  the  light! 
SIMPERSON. —  (in  a  hushed  voice) — What  does  that  mean, 
Bucks? 

BUCKS. — (lighting  the  candle) — I  don't  know.     He  touch 
ed  Carney  for  three  wishes. 
SIMPERSON.    What  was  all  that,  Jim? 
JIM.    Don't  ask  me  Mister  Simperson — don't  ask  me. 

SIMPERSON.  Does  it  mean  that  Carney  gets  his  wish,  three 
times? 

JIM.  Mebbe  so,  but  don't  ask  me.  Lord  forgive'  me — 
don't  ask  me.  I  never  did  feel  her  workin'  so  strong. 

SIMPERSON.    Try  it,  Carney.     What  do  you  wish? 

CARNEY.    You  know  well  enough  what  I  wish. 

SIMPERSON.     Don't  say  you  want  to  go  home. 

CARNEY.  Oh,  I  don't  camouflage  it.  I've  been  a  private 
ever  since  I  joined  the  army — with  no  chance  at  all.  I  wish 
the  same  thing  every  day  I  get  up  in  the  morning, 

SIMPERSON.    I  get  you. 

BUCKS.    Well,  you  don't  behave  like  it. 


CARNEY.  I've  lost  patience,  that's  all.  I  wish  I  was  out  ol 
the  ranks— any  way,  at  all,  but  out  of  the  ranks.  (There  is 
the  commotion  of  men  coming  to  attention  outside,  and  a 
voice  is  heard  inquiring  for  Carney.) 

Hang  it  all,  it's  the  new  Lieutenant.     (Enter  the  Lieutenant. 
The  men  scramble  to  their  feet.) 
THE  LIEUTENANT.    Carney. 
CARNEY.    Yes,  sir. 

THE  LIEUTENANT.    You  have  some  knowledge  of  French? 
CARNEY.    A  little,  sir. 

THE  LIEUTENANT.  So  the  Major  said.  He  had  only  your 
word  for  it,  I  believe,  but  he  is  making  you  a  sergeant,  and 
detailing  you  specially.  Your  warrant  is  waiting  at  head 
quarters.  You  are  to  take  a  squad  at  once  and  go  out  after 
horses.  You  will  cover  the  towns  and  villages  listed  here, 
starting  from  the  village  of  Dubois-sur-cotr.  A  motor  truck 
is  moving  immediately.  Get  your  stuff  and  be  ready.  You  will 
be  the  only  man  in  the  detail  who  speaks  French,  and  you  will 
be  expected  to  buy  horses  to  the  best  possible  advantage, 
picking  them  up  wherever  you  can  find  them.  Report  back 
to  Dubois-sur-cote  in  five  days. 

CARNEY.    You  say  we  start  tonight,  sir? 

THE  LIEUTENANT.  At  once.  I've  been  a  long  time  locating 
you,  so  I  advise  that  you  report  to  the  Major  immediately. 
You  know  where  the  camion  starts? 

CARNEY.    Yes,  sir. 

THE  LIEUTENANT.  And  you  know  where  Dubois-sur-cote 
is? 

CARNEY.    I'll  find  it,  sir. 

THEJ  LIEUTENANT.  Very  good,  I  may  tell  you  frankly, 
Carney,  the  Major  has  confidence  in  you.  More  than  I  have, 
I'm  afraid.  You  have  everything? 

CARNEY.    Yes,  sir. 

THE  LIEUTENANT.  Good  night.  (The  Lieutenant  goes  out, 
leaving  Carney  staring  at  his  movement  order.) 

CARNEY. —  (Reading) — Sergeant  Carney  and  eight  men. 

SIMPERSON.  Well,  I'll  be  damned!  Jim,  I  owe  you[  ten 
francs. 

BUCKS.     Don't  take  it   too   seriously,   Simp.        ! 
SIMPERSON.    Well,  it's  mighty  weird,  just  the  same. 

6  . 


CARNEY.  Weird— I  should  say  weird.  The  truck's  waiting 
in  the  rain,  and  me  off  for  five  days  with  a  squad  that  knows 
I've  just  been  raised,  trying  to  buy  horses  from  Frenchies  on 
what  French  I  know.  Weird — it's  looney,  to  put  it  mild. 

SIMPERSON.    But  you  said  you  wished — 

CARNEY.  Yes,  I  said  I  wished — and  at  that  very  moment 
the  Lieutenant  was  stalling  around  with  his  instructions, 
pretending  to  try  to  locate  me.  It  was  all  decided  before  we 
started  the  game  tonight.  I've  seen  the  Major  have  his  eye 
on  me  a  lot  lately.  It's  just  co-incidence — but  I'm  the  vic 
tim.  And  it  all  comes  of  my  putting  up  a  bluff  about  know 
ing  French — saying  "Tres  bien,"  and  "Voulez  vous." — 

BUCKS.    Now,  Carney,  I  wouldn't  be  too  sure — 

CARNEY.  Well,  I  am  sure.  That's  the  trouble  with  us — 
all  of  us.  Bluff.  And  look  what  it  gets  you  into !  Look 
at  the  responsibility!  Think  of  me  with  that  detail.  More 
than  likely  half  of  them  know  more  French  than  I  do.  And 
they  won't  admit  it.  They'll  bluff  and  stall,  and  leave  it  all 
up  to  me.  And  we'll  sleep  in  stables  for  a  week — stables  in 
France !  Have  you  tried  'em  ?  Have  you  even  sniffed  'em  at 
long  ra^ige? 

BUCKS.    I  can  guess  what  they're  like. 

CARNEY.  Sure  you  can.  You  can  guess  from  any  village 
you  pass  through.  They  were  cleaned  out  just  before  the 
battle  of  Waterloo,  and  they've  been  ripening  ever  since,  just 
for  me  and  my  detail.  And  we'll  come  back  in  five  days  on 
crow-baits  that  can  hardly  haul  their  ragged  hoofs  out  of  the 
mud.  Buy  horses — with  French  money!  If  I  bought  Joe 
Patchen's  full  brother  for  fifty  francs,  that  Lieutenant  would 
growl  at  me.  I'm  the  unluckiest  guy — 

SIMPERSON.    Don't  say  that — didn't  you  get  your  wish? 

CARNEY.  Yes,  and  don't  I  wish  I  hadn't?  I  wish  I  was 
back  where  I  was,  that's  what  I  wish.  (Re-enter  the  Lieuten 
ant.} 

THE  LIEUTENANT.  Carney,  I  gave  you  certain  orders  for 
immediate  execution.  I  didn't  expect  you  to  rise  to  your  op 
portunity.  I  wasn't  surprised  when  you  didn't.  The  work 
couldn't  wait,  so  the  Major  has  made  other  arrangements. 
Your  appointment  as  sergeant  has  been  cancelled.  There  will 
be  no  other  punishment,  this  time,  but  I  hope  the  matter  will 
make  some  impression  on  you,  for  your  own  good.  Let  me 
have  that  movement  order.  Good  night.  Exit  the  Lieuten 
ant.) 


SIMPERSON.    Now  say  that's  co-incidence,  will  you? 

CARNEY.  No,  but  I  wi — {He  is  about  to  say  he  wishes, 
ivhen  Simperson  puts  his  hand  over  his  mouth.) 

SIMPERSON.  Be  still  now.  Whatever  you  think  you  want 
to  say,  don't  say  it.  Let's  get  at  the  facts  here,  if  we  can. 

BUCKS.  You  won't  get  any  facts.  Take  my  advice,  and 
forget  all  about  it. 

CARNEY.    Or  go  as  far  as  you  like — it's  all  on  me. 

SIMPERSON.  Be  quiet  now.  This  may  be  very  important. 
There's  no  use  wasting  a  great  chance,  just  because  it  is  a 
chance. 

CARNEY.    I'll  be  quiet.  Spill  it. 

SIMPERSON.  Here  we  are,  we  three  in  France.  It's  all  a 
gamble— it's  a  gamble  if  we  get  home — or  if  we  don't.  And 
what  we  do  here  is  a  gamble.  Well,  now,  here  we  see  this 
shine  Jim  throw  three  sixes  twice.  Chance?  Perhaps.  But 
he  called  for  them,  and  they  came.  I  don't  pretend  to  un 
derstand  it,  but  it  gets  me.  He  sing-songs  some  nonsense 
with  the  light  out,  and  touches  Carney  for  three  wishes.  Now 
we  know  Carney's  lucky.  But  he  wishes  twicey  and  each 
time  the  thing  happens.  Always  by  natural  means — maybe 
so.  If  he  wished  something  unnatural,  the  voodoo  would 
most  likely  shake  him.  Now  the  point  is — he's  got  one  more 
wish  coming. 
CARNEY.  Well,  I  wi — (Again  Simperson  gags  him.) 

SIMPERSON.  Now  don't  do  anything*  till  you  hear  from 
me.  First,  let's  find  out  if  Jim  knows  how  far  the  voodoo'll 
go. 

BUCKS.  (Incredulously.)  I've  known  folks  before  try 
ing  to  find  out  things  like  that. 

SIMPERSON.    Jim. 

JIM.    Yes,  boss. 

SIMPERSON.  Would  your  voodoo  take  notice  of  a  hypothe 
tical  question — or  a  hypothetical  wish? 

JIM.  That  sounds  pretty  good,  boss,  but  I  don't  know.  I 
ain't  never  tried  no  hypoflutical  wish  on  her. 

CARNEY.  What's  the  use  being  so  dead  sober  about  it, 
Simp? 

SIMPERSON.  Because  it  may  be  mighty  sober  business.  It 
might  mean  a  lot  to  you,  and  to  me,  and  to  all  of  us.  It 
might  mean  a  lot  to  the  A.  E.  F. 


CARNEY.  Well  if  I  should  wi—  (He  stops  himself.)  We'll 
say  if  I  should  mention — just  mention — our  whipping  the 
Boches,  would  the  voodoo  take  any  interest? 

JIM.  I  don't  know.  She  wouldn't  do  nothin'  'cept  about 
you  yourself,  Mister  Carney — I  know  that. 

CARNEY.  It's  for  me  myself,  personally,  this — mention, 
we'll  call  it? 

JIM.    Just  for  yourself,  personally,  Mister  Carney. 

SIMPERSON.  Now  go  slow,  Carney.  I  don't  know  what 
you're  thinking.  It's  a  chance — a  great  chance,  but  it  must 
seem  to  come  naturally,  and  it  must  come  through  you  alone 
— you  son  of  luck. 

CARNEY.  Jim,  can  you  tell  me  how  far  this  voodoo'll  go? 
What'll  he  do  for  me  ? 

JIM.  There  ain't  no  tellin'  what  she'll  do,  boss — ain't  no 
tellin'. 

SIMPERSON.  Very  careful,  now,  Carney.  Don't  you  so 
much  as  think  of  wishing  anything  until  we  get  it  all  fig 
ured  out.  For,  however  improbable  it  is,  it  must  seem  to  hap 
pen  by  natural  means.  That's  evidently  the  way  the  thing 
works. 

BUCKS.  You  boys  are  monkeying  with  a  buzz  saw,  I  warn 
you — 

SIMPERSOX.  So  there's  no  use  in  figuring  anything  too  mir 
aculous. 

CARNEY.     I  might  mention  being  given  a  commission. 

SIMPERSON.     Didn't  I  say  we  must  avoid  the  miraculous? 

CARNEY.    Well,  I  tell  you  the  Major  has  his  eye  on  me. 

SIMPERSON.  He  won't  have  when  the  Lieutenant  gets 
through.  Whatever  you  do — and  it  may  be  something  mighty 
big — you  must  do  as  a  private.  Now  I'm  trying  to  figure  out 
what's  the  biggest  thing  a  private  can  get  away  with. 

BUCKS.  They  say  a  private  captured  a  German  Major 
General  up  at  Chateau  Thierry. 

CARNEY.    Well,  I  ain't  that  tender  hearted. 

BUCKS.  And  a  private  of  engineers  set  off  a  mine  up  in 
the  Arras  front  that  blew  up  a  whole — 

CARNEY.    Yes,  and  where  did  he  light?     Not  for  me! 

SIMPERSON.    Well,  if  you'll  let  us  work  it  out — 

CARNEY.    No   you   don't.     You've   worked  out  enough   to 

9 


show  your  slant.  I'm  goin'  to  work  it  out  now.  You  listen 
to  me. 

SIMPERSON.  We'll  listen,  but  see  that  you  don't  say  the 
word  "wish."  See  that  you  don't  even  think  it. 

CARNEY.  Quit  butting  in.  If  there's  anything  in  this  at 
all,  it's  just  as  likely  to  be  something  big.  Nothing's  too  big 
for  a  voodoo.  Now  here's  what)  I'll  do :  first,  I'll  get  trans- 
fered  to  Aviation.  Nothing  impossible  about  that.  Now  say 
I  make  good  at  the  flying  game.  I  can  ride  anything  on  four 
legs,  and  lots  of  these  French  stallions  are  harder  to  stick 
on  than  a  plane.  I  say  Aviation,  because  the  stunt  must  be 
one  that  I  can  pull  off  alone.  Now,  here's  the  voodoo's 
chance.  I  get  a  plane.  I  go  up.  I  make  a  landing  behind 
the  Boche  lines — 

SIMPERSON.  Don't  do  that.  Do  you  know  how  hard  it  is  to 
crank  one:  of  those  engines  again,  alone? 

CARNEY.  Leave  that  to  me.  I've  got  a  scheme  for  that. 
Well,  now,  I'm  over  back  of  the  Boche  lines.  I've  got  my 
little  double  barrelled  machine  gun.  I  settle  quietly  beside  a 
road.  It's  up  to  the  Voodoo.  Now  along  come  two  large 
grey  automobiles.  I  turn  loose  with  my  gun.  I  get  every 
body  in  the  first  car,  including  the  dummy.  I  get  everybody 
in  the  second  car  except  one  party ;  he's  an  oldish  party,  with 
a  stiff  left  arm,  and  he  understands  English  perfectly.  I  in 
vite  this  party  over  to  my  plane.  Major  General,  huh!  My 
oldish  party  is  still  under  my  gun,  mind  you.  And  I  say  to 
him,  "Bill,  get  busy  with  that  propeller — we're  going  up." 
Pretty  good,  no?  Tres  bon,  yes?  You'll  run  this  for  me, 
will  you?  You'll  scheme  it  all  out,  will  you?  If  I'd  let  you 
talk,  you'd  be  talking  yet.  As  it  is,  it's  as  good  as  done. 
Lordy  I'm  dry — I  wish  I  had  a  drink.  (Jim  instantly  sets  three 
mugs  on  the  table.} 

JIM.  Here  you  are,  Mister  Carney.  You  was  wishin'  for 
a  drink.  (Carney  starts  violently,  seeing  what  he  has  done. 
The  other  two  see  it  also,  and  rise  abruptly,  their  mugs  in] 
their  hands.} 

SIMPERSON.    You  damn  fool! 

BUCKS.     (At    the   same    time   with    Simp  er  son.)— Carney  \ 
(Both  swing  their  mugs  at  his  head;  Carney  ducks,  and  is 
drenched  with  drinks  and  broken  earthenware,  as — 
THE  CURTAIN  FALLS. 


10 


The  Provincetown 
Plays 


Edited  and  Selected  by 
George  Cram  Cook  and  Frank  Shay. 

A  record  of  the  work  of  the  most  serious 
and  important  of  all  new  theatre  move 
ments  in  America.  The  plays,  which  are 
distinctively  American,  are  a  notable  con 
tribution  to  our  stage,  and  go  far  towards 
indicating  America's  place  in  the  world  of 
the  theatre. 

The  contents  are: 

ARIA  DE  CAPO  -  By  Edna  St.  Vincent  Millay 
STRING  OF  THE  SAMISEN  -  By  Rita  Wellman 
NIGHT  By  James  Oppenheim 

THE  ANGEL  INTRUDES  -  By  Floyd  Dell 
SUPPRESSED  DESIRES  - 

By  George  Cram  Cook  and  Susan  Glaspell 
BOUND  EAST  FOR  CARDIFF       - 

By  Eugene  G.  O'Neill 

COCAINE  -  -  By  Pendleton  King 

ENEMIES  -  By  Neith  Boyce  and  Hutchins  Hapgood 
NOT  SMART  By  Wilbur  Daniel  Steele 

THE  WIDOW'S  VEIL         -         By  Alice  Rostetter 
Octavo,  silk  cloth,  tilt  top,  net  S3.OO. 

FRANK  SHAY 
26-28  Horatio  St.,  New  York 


THIS  BOOK  IS  DUE  ON  THE  LAST  DATE 
STAMPED  BELOW 


AN     INITIAL    FINE     OF     25     CENTS 

WILL  BE  ASSESSED  FOR  FAILURE  TO  RETURN 
THIS  BOOK  ON  THE  DATE  DUE.  THE  PENALTY 
WILL  INCREASE  TO  5O  CENTS  ON  THE  FOURTH 
DAY  AND  TO  Sl.OO  ON  THE  SEVENTH  DAY 
OVERDUE. 


OCT   8     1932 


LD  21-50?H-8,-32 


Gaylord  Bros. 

Makers 

Syracuse,  N.  ^« 
'PALJAN.2UM8 


452524 


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